I haven't written anything in a few days, and it rather weirds me out. (Yes, I'm using "weird" as a verb. Deal with it.) I don't know why I didn't feel this same desire to write when posting a weekly confession was my goal. Hrmph.
Writing is on my mind again today. Writing and speaking. One would think that these two would go hand in hand. One would think.
When I write, it is often a stream of consciousness that pours from my mind onto the paper (or keyboard, in such instances as this). I write words as they come into my mind and do very little revising of thoughts until I have finished writing whatever it is I'm writing. Logically, the words I have written would be very much like the words I would say if I were to speak the same thoughts out loud. This couldn't be further from the truth.
Somehow, when I speak out loud, all of the eloquence I like to think I possess flies right out the window.
I often find myself stumbling to find the right word for what I'm trying to say, or using one word when I mean something different, even when those words are very common words that I use often enough to know better. Sometimes I say things that sound right, but aren't even words at all. I won't even get into how often I mangle syllables.
I often find myself stumbling to find the right word for what I'm trying to say, or using one word when I mean something different, even when those words are very common words that I use often enough to know better. Sometimes I say things that sound right, but aren't even words at all. I won't even get into how often I mangle syllables.
I'm not quite sure why this happens, but I have noticed that it happens most significantly when I am tired or nervous. Now, the nervous thing I understand, but that doesn't explain why it would happen during everyday conversation with a close friend. As for being tired, sure, that explains why my thought processes would be slowed, but it doesn't explain why I can sit here, completely and utterly exhausted, and type this without having any difficulty at all. Why, the sentences you're reading here are just as they were when they came to my mind, and I haven't had to go searching for one word yet. I don't understand how that works.
I cannot begin to explain the frustration I feel at not being able to recall a word when speaking with someone. Words are one of my biggest passions in life! How ridiculous it is not to be able to express simple ideas! Maybe that's just the perfectionist in me; if I can't say something properly, it bothers me to say it at all. Of course, not saying anything at all is not an option. I simply have too many things that I need to say. Or at least need to write. In fact, that's why I began writing in the first place. Little thirteen-year-old me had so many ideas that needed to be explored, but many of my ideas failed to resonate with my friends, and since I couldn't share with my friends, I took to paper and pencil. I had to let the ideas out. I'd go mad if I kept all my thoughts to myself. I'm already a bit mad as it is, so no need to compound the problem.
...
Okay, funny story. I got a phone call while I was in the middle of typing that previous paragraph, and now my train of thought has been thoroughly derailed. I honestly can't remember where I was headed with this post. I'm pretty sure I had a nice, neat conclusion planned out, but... eh.
In closing, I'd like to say that the most frustrating thing of all is knowing that there is a word for the condition in which you cannot recall a certain word, but never being able to recall what that word is. It happens to me every time. I have just looked it up, and the word for this condition is lethologica. I always swear that I'm going to commit that word to memory, but it always escapes me...
