In the past two weeks, I have met more new people than I have in the past five years. Small talk comes a little more easily than it has in the past, but I still frequently find myself wanting to run away and hide.
Because of this, I'm not the world's best conversationalist.
If someone were to ask about my major, for instance, right now I can tell you that the obvious and polite way to respond would be to tell them I am an English major and then inquire about their field of study (assuming I'm speaking to another student). However, when an actual person asks me this or any other question, I'm so busy forcing myself to speak (and make eye contact... I've been working on that one!) that it rarely ever occurs to me to use the manners I learned when I was little. It's only after conversation has dwindled and I am left to my own thoughts that I realize I should have shown interest in the other person as well. Those thoughts then haunt me for eternity...
Okay, not eternity, but a really long time. Three recent incidents are gnawing on my brain right now. (On the off chance that you, dear reader, are someone I have ever offended with my poor social skills: sorry 'bout that.)
After obsessively proof-reading this post about fifteen times, it has come to my attention that depending on how you interpret my confession, it might sound like I don't care what anyone has to say and that I would only reciprocate questions for the sake of sounding polite. That isn't the case at all! If you speak to me, I will genuinely devote all of my attention to you. (Even if I'm avoiding your gaze and nervously staring out the window, I'm still listening.) I'm just terrible at keeping the conversational ball rolling.
Now I feel all awkward about awkwardly confessing my awkwardness and having to give an awkward explanation. I should stop typing now.
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