Confession #19

I'm a proud nerd, and it's all my friends' fault.

When I was in middle school, I was a huge fan of Hilary Duff. I loved her acting, her music, and generally everything about her. I think that's perfectly acceptable of a twelve-year-old, but I had one friend who disagreed. She seemed to believe we were much to old to enjoy Hilary Duff, and she made it known fairly often. One instance in particular has stuck with me for years. I had a slumber party for my thirteenth birthday, and at some point during the night, we were all flipping through the numerous "teen" magazines I had hoarded. In the fan-submitted artwork section on the back page of one magazine, this friend found a very crudely-drawn picture of my favorite actress. She pointed it out and asked, there in front of my closest friends, "How old do you think that kid was?" Or in other words, "Why don't you GROW UP?" She was supposed to be one of my best friends, but she utterly humiliated me at my own birthday party!

Flash-forward about a year into the future and I had outgrown my Hilary Duff phase. I discovered, however, that even with my (somewhat) broadened horizons, I still wasn't watching the same shows as the rest of the kids my age, or listening to the same music. I tried to tell myself that there were plenty of people out there who liked the same things as me, but I could always hear my friend's voice in my head, criticizing my taste. It made me feel like an even bigger outcast. (I already felt like one, you see, because I was rarely in school and hardly knew anybody.)

Jump forward another year and I felt completely isolated and alone. Being so sick and missing so much school caused me to repeat the ninth grade, so now I literally didn't know anybody in my classes, and the whole situation was just miserable. To top it off, my further-broadened horizons still didn't mesh with the rest of the kids my age. Then a funny thing happened. Four new people friends wandered into my life and turned it upside-down. For the better! Not only did they approve of me and my company, but they didn't even care that I spent my free time writing fanfiction, or that most of my favorite music was forty years old. They didn't find my love of Superman strange, or make fun of me for having a huge crush on an actor who is old enough to be my dad. All of those things that certain other people would have rolled their eyes at, these new friends accepted! I hadn't felt accepted in so long!

So now when I go ranting about whichever old sci-fi show is currently on my mind, or start singing songs nobody else knows, or dance in a very outdated manner (Hand Jive, anyone?), you can blame them. They're the ones who helped me learn to be proud rather than embarrassed and ashamed of who I am.

Ha! A meaningful post published with two minutes to spare!